Social butterfly?

I went to a Street Concert last night in our town. There was live music, lots of scents of food and fun times, and lots of people. I had a very good time. I danced with my husband. I enjoyed spending time with my oldest, most Bohemian son. I enjoyed meeting new people and swapping summer time stories and laughter. Seems easy, right? I must admit.. I found myself having to push myself rather than move to the side and become a people watcher. At the end of the night... my head hurt. It still hurts this morning. Being social is not always easy for me. For those that know me.. I am sure you are laughing and thinking really?? You never shut-up!!
But here's the truth.... I sometimes revert back to that goofy, insecure, middle school kid inside where I am SURE no one wants to be friends. I feel a little "less"... adequate, pretty, fit, successful, etc., etc., than I perceive others around me to be. Perhaps, this phenomena is a side effect of my career-- middle school teacher. You become what you surround yourself by (or so I have heard). YET, at the same time, this overwhelming feeling is a gift. Since this feeling has never fully left me, I "get' my students and lead them to be (hopefully) okay with themselves and one another.
So yeah... the headache is still here. My only choice.. praise God for the moments that make me real and human and I strive to be who HE intends me to be.

Teacher Pleasing Behavior??

Tonight I had bass lessons. LAST week I had the unmitigated gaul to take a song of my choosing and "ask questions" knowing that my teacher could not stifle my enthusiasm. WE totally figured the song out for my husband and I and it was pretty cool. This week, I dared not take the same attitude. I am aware that he has an agenda and NEEDS for me to learn in the manner he thinks is best.. however.. I did not practice, yet JUST KEEP NAILING IT!! This is so foreign to me. Why did I not take this instrument up earlier? SO.. tonight I listened attentively and answered his questions with just a slight lilt in my voice so that he could confirm my correct answer.. and thus feel pride in his student. The process IS really fun... and the outcome is spectacular. SO.. teacher pleasing or not... I am grateful for new skills and a new avenue to express the desires of my heart!

“The Lord was ready to save me; Therefore we will sing my songs with stringed instruments All the days of our life, in the house of the Lord.” ~ Isaiah 38:20

Thunder Storms and Pitiful Pets.....

We are currently experiencing one of God's amazing natural phenomena... a summer storm. I love these... don't know if I always have but certainly do now. Our pets on the other hand are NOT fans. Holly, the 125 pound German Shepherd who is mighty and ferocious is reduced to a whimpering ball of rain-soaked fur. Ruby, the 80 pound Bloodhound "baby" is still not exactly sure what this whole thing even is. They are scratching at the door, expecting to be let in our home.. which has NEVER happened for either of them. Hmmmm.... This causes me to pause.....
We all should be a little nervous of the unknown. It keeps us alert to danger and protects us from our own innocence. It (hopefully) shelters us from falling into traps of torment and temptation. We really ought to be mindful of these things always. BUT NO.. we are lowly sinners who fall into the monotony of the world and its routines. Every once in a while, it takes GOD and his magnificent light show to slow us down and evaluate.. just what are we doing? and is it to HIS glory? I know I will never create a masterpiece like the one before me. BUT I CAN follow the master's plan to his laud and honor..
Thanks God for the show... it is AWEsome.....

MORGAN Meltdowns and Maniacal Memories

Today was my oldest son's 5th grade graduation. He received several awards and was really excited about the day ( as evidenced by his happy dance out of the auditorium). As soon as they marched in.... the lump began to form. YOU SEE DEAR FRIENDS... I am not good with emotions. For some insane reason, I feel the need to CONTROL... control.. CoNtRol.. myself on all occasions. I resist "letting go" for fear that I may never "get it back". BUT TODAY... I just embraced the moment. These people.. the staff at Morgan School have aided in the raising of my son. They have taught us all so very much! Lessons that are truly priceless. They BELIEVE in Mack and never say "you can't" or "really? I don't think so". Mrs. Petre and Mrs. Gobble loved Mack through kindergarten. He was a little songbird and everything worked out perfectly once he got some Motown under his belt. Mrs. Benge loved him during hard family times and fuzzy first grade q-tip hair. Mrs. Hallquist loved Mack into finding his own music and encouraged his love for nature and history. Mr. Raitti taught Mack about "manly" elementary teachers and sticking to difficult tasks. Mrs. Zimmerman taught Mack about first "crushes" and that loving what you do is the ONLY choice worth making in life. Mrs. Morefield taught Mack about character and giving 110% because it is the right thing to do. AND MOST RECENTLY... Mrs. Jacobs, Mrs. Eller, and Mrs. Newman have loved him through emerging puberty and insane coughing fits.
The entire Morgan Staff has helped Mack find his voice and have encouraged him to be true to himself... even when it is not fashionable or popular. Morgan Schools KNOWS Mack. Not just superficially or in a "it's my job" manner. They encourage and laugh with and hug on my boy... every day... every day... EVERY DAY!!
For these folks... I am grateful and blessed. So yeah... the tears are still at the rims and have striped my face all day long. BUT I AM NOT SAD.. no.. not at all. Just a humbled parent who is overwhelmed with joy and gratitude at the good fortune bestowed upon my family. THANKS BE TO GOD for these people and their magnificence.

Toucans 2011--- Thanks for the memories!

Tonight I celebrated 87 of my favorite sixth graders and my wonderful team of teachers. I AM BLESSED!! I don't know if I inherit the best kids.. but I know that I end with them They grow, they change, they doubt, the believe... and ultimately they leave footprints on my heart..never, never to be forgotten.
This year's highlights..
Open House and your sweet, horrifed faces
The first time someone said "sucks, shut up or stupid"... BIG FAT No NO words!!
Touching Spirit Bear and your breathless anticipation... "Is he gonna' die???"
Chorus Concerts with Edelweiss... I always get a lump in my throat when you swing in those sweet falsetto voices!!
Weekly Reports and Reward Times
The first dance where you actually danced and quit running
Acne, braces, glasses, and puberty
Hugs and smiles and sweet stories shared
Book projects and ah-ha moments
I Have Who Has... wow what a CRAZY competition!!
Excellence, perseverance, encouragement and LOVE!!
YOU... each and every one of you!!

May God bless you in all you do. I will miss you but will never be too far away to help in times of need and CHEER you on in your successes! You make my heart sing.. and for that I am grateful!!!

Wedding Days and Anniversary Daze

Tuesday, June 7, 2011... I will celebrate 14 years of marriage.. FOURTEEN YEARS?? How did that happen?? I can hardly believe it. I remember telling my grandfather in my early twenty's that I knew I wanted to be a mom.. just none too sure about the whole wife thing... THEN one CRAZY night I met Shrek. I had dated someone for a very long time and really, really did not want anything serious. Serious or not.. here we are. Fourteen years of ups, downs, and all arounds. We have grown a business, two sons, many four-legged creatures and a love that continues to evolve. I know I am not the same person I was fourteen years ago.. in some ways I am so much better.. others.. not so much. BUT HERE IS THE ONE TRUE THING.. my husband loves me through it all. Sometimes it is a crazy, unpredictable love that makes no sense. Nevertheless.. we are still in this thing... and are not planning on going anywhere. So.. to you Shrek.. thanks for the memories and here's to another forty or fifty more.... I love you dearly and always will.


"Love is patient; love is kind; love is not envious or boastful or arrogant or rude. It does not insist on its own way; it is not irritable or resentful; it does not rejoice in wrongdoing, but rejoices in the truth. It bears all things, believes all things, hopes all things, endures all things. Love never ends.”

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES.....

This week is a big one. My husband (Shrek) and I will celebrate fourteen years of marriage; our oldest son will graduate from elementary school; I will say goodbye to another batch of students; I will celebrate the retirement of three outstanding educators; and I will mark the end of working with a favorite co-worker (for at least one year). In case you don't know me so well.. I don't handle changes very well. They challenge the inner core of my being that desires so very much to be positive, but the truth is this... I hate changes which often require endings. Changes force me to look back and become weepily nostalgic. I am awed at how quickly time goes and how daily changes have gone unnoticed. I KNOW.... oh-blah-de oh-blah da... LIFE GOES ON... but every once in a while.. I would like to savor the moment, milk every bit of marrow from it and delight in the here and now that is all too fleeting.

My goal for this week is this.. BE JOYOUS!! BE GRATEFUL!! and be thankful for change. Despite not wanting to change, I have been blessed to have the opportunity for opportunities, for do-overs, for forgiveness, and for fresh starts. These too are changes... and really are not so bad!! I will take comfort that God's love for me does not change and he already knows about the changes that are coming my way! He's got it all figured out... why do I worry??



"God is not a man, that he should lie, nor a son of man, that he should change his mind. Does he speak and then not act? Does he promise and not fulfill?"
Numbers 23:19

Unexpected Emotions

Today my students began sharing their End of Year Theme Song Projects. The routine is simple... 1-Pick a song that symbolizes your experience during your sixth grade year. 2- Write a 200 word essay explaining your choice. 3- Share the song and a few parting words with your classmates. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE this assignment. Do you know that of my 85 sweet darlings... NOT ONE song was repeated? That proves to me that they are indeed "uniquely and wonderfully created".
But here is the thing that really got me. One of my quiet and demure ladies played a song that discussed the concept of not wanting to grow up. I have to check with my student to find the title. The young lady totally nailed what it is like to be young and torn between wanting to be grown and wanting to be a kid. As I listened to the song and read my student's words about "wanting to hold my momma's hand just a little tighter"... the tears began to flow and I was moved. The students sat in awe... their sassy, crazy, full of bologna teacher had tears streaming down her face... something rarely allowed or seen. YOU SEE... here is the JOY... my doll, my lady, MY STUDENT HAD BECOME A WRITER. She moved me and I am proud! My mission (for the moment) has been accomplished!

Thanks be to God for my moments of clarity and the love he allows me for the young people I work with. I am a blessed woman!