Thoughts from The Couch....the best seat in town.

Tonight I saw the most amazing show. The acoustics were brilliant and every key was played simultaneously. My body quaked with the rumble of the bass notes that built to forte!! The light show was superb...a series of unexpected and amazing images flashed before my eyes. I was spellbound, in awe, and truly mesmerized. Blues, silvers, and sometimes pinks flashed across the sky in undefined geometric patterns.

Tonight I saw a great storm. It was unexpected and delightful. After it ended, there were still remnants that would sneak in and remind me of what had just occurred. I tiptoed onto The Deck and was met by a sprightly breeze that tickled my bare legs and caused a slight chill-laden shiver. The slight drizzle was cool and refreshing...like the waters of baptism.

Tonight I am reminded that God indeed does provide the storms. After a week of insanity....I am ready to accept his blessings of reward for attempting to lean on him and his guidance. Thanks be to God for bringing us through the storms and providing hope for tomorrow...BECAUSE HE LIVES!!

Gifts from God

TODAY WAS A NEW DAY!! Hope crept back into my life and made me smile and see goodness once again.
I took the opportunity to conference with my students...we laughed, cried, fussed and vented about THE TESTS!!
They are so wise...they knew exactly their shortcomings and even were able to articulate their needs.
We have a game plan and I rejoiced in their smiles and laughter.
They were reassured that they were smart enough; good enough, and dog gone it...people like them...mostly me!

So here we go...Round 2 of THE TESTS...
just remember my lovelies...YELLOW IS THE WORD!! You've got it!!

Sadness

Today I am sad. I do not like it.
I am sad that I could not take away the pained look in my lovelies eyes as they see their EOG "faliures".
I am sad because THEY ARE WONDERFUL and I love them and they do not deserve this insanity.
I am sad that tests have become more important than teaching and learning...really more important than people.
I am sad that my magic wand is broken.
I am sad to feel that I have failed.
I am sad that I must put on my happy face when I really want to hug these babies and cry until we feel better!
I am sad that someone thinks I can fix the wrongs in two days time.
I am sad that I cannot!
YES... I am sad.
And I do not like it.

ORGANIZATION??

I used to be organized. I knew where everything was and it had its place and would ALWAYS be right where I left it.
NOW....NOT SO MUCH!!
Instead...I spend my time listening to children who worry about tests that scare them, parents that don't value them, and silly, seemingly insignificant events in their lives....that are really big deals to them.
I hug on stinky pre-teens and admire their new braces and glasses.
I shop for groceries and do laundry for the best boys on the planet...all 3!
I pay bills and carefully scrutinize the leftover pennies.
I accumulate clothing that little boys grow out of way too quickly. I try to share with others...quickly!!
I read books for fun.
I make sure the house is cleanish.
I provide for the dog...and she loves me.
I pray for those who are hurting and lost.
I fuss about the "mess" that is everywhere.
I DON'T BOTHER ORGANIZING....there will be time for that later...
but for now...it just is not important..
AND YOU KNOW WHAT?
I am really, really okay with it!

Anticipation

Anticipation is one of my favorite words. I love that feeling that something wonderful is on the horizon. I get excited, antsy, and downright giddy. I can't sleep and wake up earlier than usual...yet somehow feel refreshed and READY TO GO. (Note.....I was not born a morning person....however God has granted me the opportunity to hone those skills with three early risers for housemates).

I had the opportunity to spend yesterday with my Church Circle of Ladies. IT WAS FUN! IT WAS RATHER CHEAP!! IT WAS DELIGHTUL! These ladies present unique perspectives and talents. They never seem to tire of my company and they offer nuggets of wisdom that I file away for another day. On paper...there seems to be no common ground....except for our love of Jesus Christ. As I type this I am struck...WHAT BETTER COMMON GROUND TO HAVE? If two or more are gathered in his name...there is love....HIS LOVE.. and it is wonderful!

Just for today... I am savoring the anticipation of things to come this week. I am anxiously awaiting the good that will develop and how with his help and my faith...the week will be blessing filled.


Just in case things don't go as I hope..... I am already anticipating June 8.....my next Circle Meeting. Thank you God for each of these ladies who I dearly need in my life. They are each miracles, masterpieces, and my friends. For them....and HIM.... I am thankful!!

Blessings to you!

DANCE NIGHT!!!

Psalm 30:11
You turned my wailing into dancing; you removed my sackcloth and clothed me with joy,

MY GOD IS GOOD AND POWERFUL!! For that I am thankful!!
Today was a better day! For that....... I am thankful!
Tonight I got to go to dance. For that.... I am thankful!
I asked for prayers and HIS people responded. For that....I am thankful!
The prayers touched my heart and provided me a hedge of protection from evil.....For that..... I am thankful!
My wailing from less than 24 hours ago was turned to dancing. For that..... I am thankful!
I was granted the chance to have the cumbersome, stench-ladened sackcloth removed. For that.... I am thankful!

I am indeed thankful to be free to praise my God, beg for HIS forgiveness, and live in the faith that HE will carry me through ALL situations he allows me to enter. I raise my hands in thanksgiving and feel my itchy feet give him all the honor and glory!!!

SHALL WE DANCE?????

Tuesday's Tirade?

Psalm 37:7-9
Be still in the presence of the Lord, and wait patiently for him to act. Don’t worry about evil people who prosper or fret about their wicked schemes. Stop being angry! Turn from your rage! Do not lose your temper—it only leads to harm. For the wicked will be destroyed, but those who trust in the Lord will possess the land. (NLT)

BE STILL? WAIT PATIENTLY!! These are the most challenging things for me in my daily walk. When these two issues are challenged..I become angry and then do what? BECOME RAGE-FILLED!! I am pretty sure this verse was written straight for me.... It probably is highlighted in every Bible with a huge footnote that says...See Maria Freeman.

Today I am challenged. I am in need of prayer! I must repent for the sinful nature I have allowed to encompass me. I have been "ugly" about situations that REALLY WON'T MATTER two days or two weeks (much less two years) from now! For this...I am sorry! MY GOD blesses me so fully. He cares for me greatly and takes care of me even when I don't folllow his commands and turn to HIS word in times of trials. For those who have been with me today, I am thankful for you! I know that you share my crazy journey and I know that God put you right here right now to get me back on the path I should be on! Tomorrow is a new day! I am going to turn this over to God. HE has it perfectly planned....maybe I should BE STILL AND PATIENT! and TRUST IN THE LORD!!

Blessings to you!

Sunday's Solitude?

This morning I am sick and not at church! It feels odd. My home is quiet and lonely. I am shaming myself for eating a #1 Combo from Wendy's at 11:30 last night and heading straight off to bed. Only to be awakened quickly by the need to purge myself of that bad choice.

Does quiet bother you? Sometimes it makes me insane. I begin to notice things that cause my ADHD to spin out of control. For example, I hear the TRANE heating and cooling system struggle to gather the energy to begin its daily grind of keeping me cool or warm..whatever my mood dictates. I notice that the "silent" dishwasher really is not silent at all. I observe a suicidal bird flinging itself against my back glass door..please stop you silly little creature. You are going to hurt yourself. And why you are at it....quit using the bathroom on my deck furniture... would you??

All this quiet makes me stop and appreciate the every day noises I take for granted. My boys arguing over the remote control. The fact that we only have one tv. The laughter rich environment I immerse myself in upon entry into our humble home. The excited messages from grandparents wanting only for us to call them back. And when doing so...the excitement and joy that echos through the phone lines.... just from hearing our voices. The pantry doors flinging open and there being adequate food to fill our urging stomachs. My boys whispers I eaves drop on as they share secrets and silliness before drifting off to sleep. The lovely symphony of snoring that means my boys (all three) are resting well and will be prepared for the following day's challenges. My noise is good. My noise is a blessing. My noise is my life....and for my noise I am grateful!

Tuesday's Tone?

Today I am troubled, stressed, anxiety filled...and why? Could it be the wonderful EOG tests that are looming on the horizons? or perhaps the sadness I see in my eight year old's eyes as he admits he is scared of these same tests? or the fact that his dog has gone missing? "Is she dead mommy" ringing incessantly in my ears?

To combat this stress.. I am going to redirect my mind to a little tomfoolery... with rhetorical questions.

What would you do with one million dollars?
What are your wildest dreams? What is stopping you from reaching them?
What are your worst habits? Why do you hold on to them?
What do you value most in your life?
What is the best place you have ever visited? food you've ever eaten? laugh you have ever experienced?
How will you be remembered?
When are you happiest?
What has been your worst day to date?
How do others view you?
What music speaks to you?
When was the last time you cried? What motivated your tears?
Is TV the work of the devil?
What is your biggest regret?
Do you ever miss the one that got away? WHY?? Was it something about them or how you were at that time?
What makes you sad? Can you do anything about that situation?
Are idle hands the work of the devil?
Why on EARTH are these questions spewing so easily from my finger tips?

Okay...enough of this insane indulgence!
Happy Tuesday to you all!

Monday's Mayhem

Today was a Monday. It was nice, serene, and peaceful (for the most part). THEN...I got out of school. I encountered a frustrated husband, frustrated children, and nothing special for dinner. Have you ever had one of those days where you work really hard to "be all you can be".....only to face those who you want more than anything in the world to be with.....yet ....everything goes to crap, feelings are raw and overall... it just does not work out. You feel like a lamb led to slaughter!

I read in Reader's Digest today that you should treat your husband and children like special guests in your home. The ones that you can not sleep nights before their arrival due to excitement, the ones you create exceptional meals and delightful desserts for. The ones you use the pretty towels and good china with. This made me think....how much better my household might run if these things were true. OF COURSE...there is the temptation to say...well sure .....if only....but.. I can't .. BUT WHY NOT?

I have 20 some odd days left of this school year. Those days are not guaranteed nor are any moments much past this one. I think
Ria's Bed and Breakfast may be opening soon. I have the most wonderful guests coming. They are funny and quirky and weird and I love them insanely. TV and screen time may have to be limited to get all my duties completed as Inn Keeper. I am praying that my investment of time will have unknown effects. Realizing today that I can not control my destiny....but I can influence my legacy has made me light hearted and hopeful. Hmmm.....gotta' go get those "fancy" towels out of my storage building!! Call and make your reservation with me if you will.

Mother's Day

Today is Mother's Day. I am grateful to be a mother. I am grateful to have a wonderful mother. I am grateful to have had motherly women of influence in my lifetime.
I am sad to consider how many people NEVER get that experience.

Mothers are the people who believe in us. They NEVER want to believe we have flaws and always, always look for our redemptive qualities. Mothers listen to us drawn on and on about our latest and greatest discovery (one they made twenty or more years ago). They fix our boo-boos and weep when our hearts are broken. Mothers delight in our cards, letters, phone calls, and now emails. They anticipate our arrivals and despise our departures. Mothers defend us and praise our tiniest of successes. Mothers are phenomenal, gracious, grateful, unselfish and loving. ThanK GOD for Mothers and their influence. Blessings to you!!

Thursday!

Today was a Thursday. Not quite a Friday and certainly not a Monday. A colleague calls Thursdays..... Friday Eve. I like that optimistic thinking! I really wish I could get excited about Mondays. It just has not happened for me...YET!! Let me clarify..I don't hate Mondays because I have to go back to work. I don't hate my job. I don't hate the people I work with. I simply hate the fact that Monday means leaving my family and the insanity we love. Sundays are filled with church and naps and pizza for dinner and books and fun like that. Maybe I should take a different view...Monday is actually one day closer to Friday. Monday should make me grateful for the fact that I got to have a Saturday and Sunday and God willing another pair in just a few days!

But for now...I am going out to The Deck. I am gonna' wash away this week's pollen collection. AND YES... I am going to celebrate the fact that Saturday is on it's way! I will be listening for your arrival!

Cinco de Mayo?

So.. I heard on the radio this morning that more Americans celebrate Cinco de Mayo than any population anywhere in the world. This made me laugh...sort of. Cinco de Mayo is not like the American Fourth of July. Mexico's Independence Day is September 16. Cinco de Mayo actually commemorates a Mexican Victory over the French in the Battle of Puebla in 1862. Who knew??

Funny how we will CELEBRATE anything in America except for the things that have real meaning! Do we throw a neighborhood party when we have a healthy report from the doctor? Do we cook a special meal when our children can safely play in our yards free from violence and criminal activity? Do we make huge preparations and spend endless hours making favors for the right to worship freely at churches of our choice? SADLY...no! We are spoiled lot. We expect more and more and never want to "pay the piper". THE LITTLE THINGS MATTER MOST FOLKS.

Don't get me wrong.. I love the fact the America is still a "melting pot". I enjoy every holiday and will celebrate with the best of them. In my class, sometimes we have to celebrate the fact that we are all breathing! Candy, anyone?

Tuesday's Trip

Today was Election Day. We were supposed to be out of school, but due to snow and rain and floods...we had a make-up day. EXCEPT for the Freemans. Alex still had a fever and an unnerving red rash across his cheeks and forehead. Mack "snuck" into the hot, fresh blueberry muffins...that were Fiber One brand. Needless to say..he had a tummy ache. We did go to the doctor and I have to say...THANK YOU to Dr. Kelly. I appreciate his humor and willingness to explore past the obvious. It also lightened my heart when he joined in and sang "Hot Blooded" when he asked "Alex..Do you have a fever?" Alex answered "of one hundred and three?" YOU KNOW THE SONG!! We discovered STREP is causing Alex's rash and fever. WHO KNEW?

We also spent the afternoon running errands for Andy and the business. I AM EXHAUSTED and wonder if I would feel this tired all the time if I did not work outside the home. I applaud "stay-at-home" moms. Yet, really doubt that name is appropriate. If you are like I was today..you may actually be "at home" less than I am. I also applaud folks whose primary job is to deal with sick and crabby people. In my travels today, I was greeted with numerous smiles and cordial greetings. This was nice and not quite expected.

I am praying that tomorrow brings no fevers, no tummy aches, and lots of excellent learning for all. I will remember to appreciate the "normalcy" of my life and be thankful for no chaos. Blessings to all!! and may you find joy..even in desperation!

Superb Saturday

Today I had the honor of sharing the day with my almost ten year old son. We went to Reynolda House Historical Bungalo and Gardens. We saw an art exhibit. We went to a double decker sporting goods store. We ate popcorn for lunch. We went to a craft store. We met my father for dinner. We have just finished creating an amazing leather and bead Indian Choker Necklace. It was indeed a superb Saturday.

Today I was reminded of these things about Mack. He is delightful. He is unique. He is part me and part his father. He loves life. He makes my heart sing. He HATES frustration. He will not quit. He acts like he thinks he knows everything. He is smart enough to know he does not know everything...sometimes. He still needs his mama. He wants to do the right thing. He is still...a boy. He likes to sing and be silly. He is a joy spreader. He is mine for a limited time...that makes me sad. YET oh so grateful that God allowed me this opportunity.

God bless him (always) and you (as well) if you have ever had the pleasure of his company!