I went to a Street Concert last night in our town. There was live music, lots of scents of food and fun times, and lots of people. I had a very good time. I danced with my husband. I enjoyed spending time with my oldest, most Bohemian son. I enjoyed meeting new people and swapping summer time stories and laughter. Seems easy, right? I must admit.. I found myself having to push myself rather than move to the side and become a people watcher. At the end of the night... my head hurt. It still hurts this morning. Being social is not always easy for me. For those that know me.. I am sure you are laughing and thinking really?? You never shut-up!!
But here's the truth.... I sometimes revert back to that goofy, insecure, middle school kid inside where I am SURE no one wants to be friends. I feel a little "less"... adequate, pretty, fit, successful, etc., etc., than I perceive others around me to be. Perhaps, this phenomena is a side effect of my career-- middle school teacher. You become what you surround yourself by (or so I have heard). YET, at the same time, this overwhelming feeling is a gift. Since this feeling has never fully left me, I "get' my students and lead them to be (hopefully) okay with themselves and one another.
So yeah... the headache is still here. My only choice.. praise God for the moments that make me real and human and I strive to be who HE intends me to be.
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